


Whiskey & Cinnamon

by gayvakarian



Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Smut, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-27
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:28:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 11,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25369144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gayvakarian/pseuds/gayvakarian
Summary: Shepard knew he wasn't the type you'd bring home to your parents.
Relationships: Kaidan Alenko/Male Shepard
Comments: 12
Kudos: 47





	1. One

How Kaidan had found his lips and tongue over Shepard's fluttering heartbeat was a whiskey colored haze. Unsteady hands wandering here and there. Teeth sinking into pale skin, and then moving to rake over the lone freckle beneath his ear that was usually hidden by the hood of a jacket. 

Shepard was breathing sharply and a breathy moan bled from his chest as Kaidan traced a finger along the trail of hair leading to the waistband of Shepard's worn-out jeans.

"Shepard." Kaidan murmured hot against a bruised collarbone, laving his tongue over the love-bite.

Shepard smelled like whiskey and tasted like cinnamon gum, somehow more intoxicating than the alcohol itself.

Kaidan didn't know how long he'd been at it but Shepard wore a thick collar of red and purple and Kaidan couldn't resist brushing the pads of his fingers over the vivid bruises.

Shepard jerked and shut his eyes tight, squeezing his thighs tighter around Kaidan's waist.

"Hey." Kaidan rasped, moving to cup Shepard's jaw.

"Hey." Shepard sounded wrecked in the best of ways. He looked back up at Kaidan, long eyelashes fluttering as he blinked in the darkness. The way Shepard's blue eyes studied Kaidan's lips in anticipation had confidence swelling in his chest. 

Kaidan swiped his tongue against Shepard's bottom lip, arms coming up to frame either side of Shepard's face as they kissed. He'd leave his lips pressed there all damn day if he could, if Shepard would let him. 

Blunt purple-colored nails raked down Kaidan's back, leaving deep red lines beneath his shirt.  
Shepard moaned around Kaidan's tongue as a hand trailed down over his binder and hips rocked against his own.

Kaidan nipped Shepard's bottom lip as he pulled away, the bed beneath them creaking as Kaidan rolled his hips again.

Shepard looked completely blissed out. His jacket splayed out beneath him like a halo. Lips swollen. Messy hair. Love-bites vibrant against pale skin. Thighs spread and Kaidan nestled right between them. Their hips rocking shamelessly together. 

Kaidan couldn't be more in love with him.

Deft fingers unbuttoned Shepard's ripped jeans, Kaidan's hand finally daring to dip beneath his boxers.

Shepard tilted his head back against the pillow and shoved the knuckle of his middle finger between his teeth to silence himself, his back arching beautifully as his thighs fell further apart.

This was the farthest they'd ever gone together. 

It'd become something of a habit. Shepard would climb through his bedroom window with a bottle of whiskey or vodka in hand and they'd sit on Kaidan's bed passing it back and forth between them until Kaidan had worked up enough of a buzz to move closer. When Shepard was relaxed enough to let his shoulders drop, Kaidan would start mouthing at Shepard's neck.   
He'd actually asked the first time, tingling fingertips pressing against the pulse in Shepard's neck, and Shepard had said yeah. His answer for a lot of things.

It wasn't like when Shepard would call Kaidan in the middle of the night and they'd stay on the line together as their breathing got heavier, whispering each other's names into darkness. When Kaidan would wake up late the next morning because his phone had died.

And it wasn't like the time they'd spent the night in Kaidan's treehouse and Shepard, drunk off his ass and fully clothed, rode Kaidan's hips and sucked on his tongue until they set off the neighbor's motion detection light because Shepard was going at it so hard.

Yeah. That still left Kaidan breathless when he thought about it. He resisted the urge to rub at the places where Shepard had grabbed his sweater. 

This? This was different, though. So good and right, but worlds apart from what they knew. That made it terrifying. 

They jumped apart when there was a knock at Kaidan's door that sounded a lot louder than it should've been in the quiet lull of the room.

Shepard had jumped like lightning crackling between them, throwing his jacket back on and zipping his pants back up. Effectively undoing what Kaidan had spent the last two hours working himself up to. He even carefully hid the empty whiskey bottle beneath Kaidan's bed. And for good measure, he smoothed two hands through his hair and then stuffed them into his jacket pockets, visibly resisting the urge to clear his throat.

"Kaidan? I brought you some fruit."

"Uh—" Kaidan said dumbly, looking up at Shepard, and then back at the door. "Thanks, Mom. Sounds great." He said, standing up and moving to unlock and open his bedroom door.

She stood on the other side, holding a plate of fruit, carefully cut and arranged. Her dark brown eyes lit up when she saw Shepard standing in the room. "Hello, Shepard." She greeted. 

Shepard looked like a deer caught in headlights. Maybe he was. "Good evening, Mrs. Alenko."

"It's good to see you. Are you hungry? Would you like to stay for dinner?" She offered. "We're having a lovely pot roast."

Shepard didn't look at Kaidan. His Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed and Kaidan felt like that shouldn't have been as distracting as it was. "Sure." His backup answer for a lot of other things.

Kaidan's gaze came back to his mother, standing in the doorway. He took the plate from her outstretched hands. "Thanks, Mom." He said again.

She just smiled a smile that Kaidan had never seen before and then closed the door behind her. 

Kaidan stood dumbfounded, holding the plate of fruit. Strawberries, mango, and banana. No kiwi, because as much as Kaidan loved it, Shepard was allergic.  
Thinking of, he turned back to Shepard, who still looked like he'd seen a ghost, and offered him a piece of the fruit.

Shepard took a strawberry. His favorite. 

"You don't have to stay for dinner." Kaidan said. "Unless you want to." He added quickly.

Shepard licked his strawberry stained lips and then cleared his throat. "It's fine." He said.

As fine as it could be, all things considered. They were both still pretty tipsy and wound tighter than a guitar string, and the marks on Shepard's neck were obvious— even with the jacket. 

Kaidan set the plate on his desk. "Oh. Good. That's good. Mom makes great pot roast." He said. "I'll go tell her you're staying for dinner, then."

"Sure."


	2. Two

Shepard knew he wasn't the type you'd bring home to your parents.

A little earthborn brat who'd spent his childhood in and out of boot camp because the orphanage didn't know what to do with him. And he never did get adopted out because of it, but somehow someone higher-up had managed to keep him from being thrown out on his ass the day he turned seventeen.

Got his license late— twenty when he finally passed the exam— so all he had was a secondhand motorcycle he worked two jobs to pay off. Then he spent his nights learning to maintain the bike on his own so he didn't have to pay a mechanic. 

And, yeah, okay, he occasionally nicked a bottle of liquor from work— but he'd never been caught. 

Point is, none of that had stopped Kaidan Alenko from walking into his life, turning it all upside down, and shaking the hell out of it. 

Kaidan was so different. He had his own room in a gorgeous two-story house and he had parents that loved him from the day they knew about him.  
And he had a pretty wicked treehouse in the backyard. 

And Shepard? Shepard knew what it was like to fall asleep hungry and cold, with your face pressed against freezing concrete.

Shepard, all that he was and ever could be, wasn't the type you'd introduce to someone like Mr. and Mrs. Alenko. 

Shepard had been transparent with Kaidan from the start.  
He confessed that he didn't always have the money to take late night trips to the movies, as much as he wanted to, and Kaidan had just snorted and told him that he'd pay just for Shepard's company. And he showed Kaidan the rinky dink apartment he lived in, right next door to the orphanage he'd grew up in, and Kaidan had made friends with his roommates and his fickle cat. And then fell asleep in his bed like it was no big deal.

Kaidan was good. He was perfect. And Shepard very much wasn't.

So Shepard stood in the middle of Kaidan's room, hands in his pockets, his skin freshly marred from Kaidan's wandering kisses. He tried to avoid staring out of the window, guilt settling in his chest that he'd even considered bailing when Kaidan looked so relieved when he said he'd stay.

Kaidan wasn't ashamed of him; and Shepard was ashamed of that.

The door opened, finally, and Shepard barely registered it in the back of his mind.

"She said she'd call us down when it was ready." Kaidan said, grabbing the plate of fruit from his desk and sitting down on his bed. "Shep?"

"Hm?" Shepard grunted, finally looking at Kaidan.

"Sit your ass down." He huffed, rolling his beautiful dark brown eyes. "It'll be a little while, still yet."

He tugged at Shepard's sleeve, his knuckles bumping the back of Shepard's hand.

Shepard sat down and was immediately offered a strawberry. He took it, because he really was hungry. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd had pot roast.

Kaidan looked at Shepard as he handed him another, his legs swinging slightly over the edge of the bed, his heels scuffing against the floor. "You okay?" He asked.

Kaidan knew Shepard better than anyone. Even Garrus. That's why it wasn't easy. 

"Just hungry." Shepard said, because it wasn't a lie.

"Sorry." Kaidan said, bumping his shoulder into Shepard's. "I shouldn't have kept you so late."

Shepard shook his head. "This is where I want to be."  
That was one of the only things that made sense to Shepard.

Kaidan offered him a piece of mango this time, juice trailing down his index finger, the same one that had been stroking through the hair on Shepard's navel.

Shepard took the fruit from him and then leaned forward, catching the juice with his tongue. He felt Kaidan shiver and he almost dropped the whole damn plate into the floor.

Shepard rolled his eyes and grabbed the plate from him, setting it back on the desk.

Kaidan fell back against his bed with a 'fwump', his hand already finding Shepard's sleeve again.

Shepard leaned back slower, feeling kind of like he was in a freefall, right before the soft bed caught him and enveloped him in Kaidan's scent.

Kaidan didn't let go of Shepard's sleeve. 

"It's cold out." Kaidan said.

"It's always cold in Vancouver." Shepard said.

"True, but... if you didn't want to ride back to the apartments, you could stay here."

Shepard didn't have to look at Kaidan to know he was looking at him, not with the way Kaidan's fingers curled around Shepard's wrist.

Shepard stared up at the ceiling. Kaidan wanted him to stay.

"You don't have to." Kaidan said as he turned to glance at the window, his fingers twitching. "I know Mako's probably waiting on you."

Damn cat. Shepard loved him more than he could stand. But something about that thought hit too close to home right now.

"Yeah." Shepard said. "But I didn't bring my jacket— the good one."

The one that put a hole in his pocket and had him going without hormones for a month. A necessary purchase that felt like a punch to the gut. 

Kaidan looked at him again. This time, Shepard looked back at him.

Kaidan leaned over, almost like he was going to kiss Shepard. Instead, he reached over Shepard to look at his phone.

"Food should be done soon." Kaidan said, swiping a text notification away— it was from Ashley— and placing his phone back on the desk. He looked down at Shepard underneath him, a grin spreading across his face. "Not to brag, but Mom's pot roast is the best."

Shepard hummed. "I'm sure."

Kaidan stood up in one swift movement, pulling Shepard upright with him by both of his hands, their fingers interlocked.

"C'mon, I gotta take the trash out anyway."

Shepard followed Kaidan into the kitchen, the staircase creaking twice as they each went over the noisy stair on their way down.

"Boys, you're just in time." Mrs. Alenko said, placing a bowl out on the table. "Kaidan, will you take the trash out for me?"

"I've got it." Shepard said quickly.

Kaidan looked at him at the same time Mrs. Alenko did. "You don't have to—"

"I know." Shepard replied. 

He took the trash bag by the ties and stepped out into the chilly night air. He hissed inwardly as icy Vancouver wind lapped unforgivingly against his face. Kaidan wasn't kidding about it being cold. He pulled up his hood and made his way down the driveway to the trash can. At this rate, his nipples were going to poke a hole through his binder.

They didn't, thank Christ, but Shepard was silently grateful he'd already agreed to stay because by the time he got back inside he was having to rub the feeling back in his fingers.

"Here, this should chase some of the chill away." Kaidan said, handing him a cup of hot chocolate as he approached the table. "I could've done that." He added, softer.

Shepard shrugged, taking the hot chocolate and downing half of it in one go.

Kaidan's lips quirked up into a smile but he didn't say anything as he laid out silverware.

"Shepard!" Mr. Alenko greeted, clapping a hand on Shepard's shoulder. "How are you, son? I heard you're staying for dinner."

"Yes, sir." Shepard said, trying not to cough because he was mid-gulp when Mr. Alenko jostled him.

"Great! Diana makes the best pot roast." He said, taking a seat at the table. 

"So I've heard."

-

They were right. The pot roast was incredible, and when Kaidan had gone back for seconds, Shepard was right behind him.

He didn't think he'd ever had food so good. 

"He is handsome, isn't he?" Mrs. Alenko said, and when Shepard realized she looking at him when she said it, he almost choked on a bit of potato. "Like a young Han Solo."

Shepard had never been called Han Solo handsome before. Let alone by people who were feeding him and giving him a warm place to sleep. He tried not to think about how that felt. 

"Just as brave as him, too." Kaidan chimed in, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. As if he wasn't talking about Shepard. "Did I tell you two about the time he jumped into a lake to rescue a kitten?"

Mako.

Shepard stared at Kaidan, his chest aching in an unfamiliar way as Kaidan recounted what happened.

"He was soaking wet— in Vancouver— and he wouldn't even let me give him my jacket." Kaidan laughed as he shook his head.

"Is this the same cat you tell us about?" Mrs. Alenko asked.

"Yeah! Mako. He's prickly but he's real sweet to Shepard." Kaidan replied. "Cats love him."

So... they knew? They knew everything Kaidan did and they still didn't care?

It felt like some sort of cruel joke and Shepard needed a way out before the punchline. 

"We used to have a cat, her name was Bella. Do you remember her? You were so young. I think I still have pictures, hang on a second." Mrs. Alenko said, standing up and disappearing into the living room.

"I'll grab the bowls." Kaidan said after a beat. 

Shepard almost took out the chair behind him in his haste to stand up. "I've got it." He said, clearing his throat. 

Kaidan hadn't even made it out of his chair. "You don't have to do th—"

"I know." Shepard said, gathering up the empty bowls and silverware.

"Good man." Mr. Alenko said after him. 

Shepard was placing everything into the sink, breathing a sigh of... something, when Kaidan came into the kitchen. His warm hand landed on the small of Shepard's back and he flinched but not away. Never away. 

"Are you okay?" Kaidan asked, breath warm against the back of Shepard's neck.

"Yeah." Shepard said. "I'm fine."

"You're not acting like it." Kaidan pressed, hand moving to rub circles against Shepard's hip. "I'm sorry. They don't mean any harm, they're just trying to make you feel welcome—"

Shepard spun around to face him then, fists clenching at his sides. "It's not them." He said firmly, effectively squashing any doubt Kaidan might've had. "It's me." He continued, softer. "Everything about me is wrong."

Kaidan stared at him as if Shepard had just slapped him in the face.

"I'm used to feeling that way, but I don't want you to—"

Kaidan kissed him. Hard. Sober and out in the open. It made Shepard's knees weak. And he kept kissing him, until Shepard had to be the one to pull away so he could breathe.

"You gonna stop thinking like that or am I going to have to kiss you senseless?"

Shepard breathed, almost a laugh, and rested his forehead against Kaidan's chest. "Kaidan."

"Shut up." Kaidan said, fingers gliding down Shepard's arms. "Come sit your ass back down and we'll look through my mom's photo album. You need to get out of your head."

"Yeah." Shepard said. "Okay."


	3. Three

"You know, I don't think my parents would care if they caught us drinking." Kaidan said, fishing the empty bottle out from beneath his bed. "You know we're twenty, right?"

Shepard sat on the floor in a nest of blankets and pillows, hugging his knees to his chest. He was in one of Kaidan's t-shirts, which was a bit big on him, and his hair was still damp from the shower.   
"Sorry, habit."

Kaidan smiled as he dropped the bottle into the trash can next to his desk. "You think you got enough blankets?"

"Yeah." Shepard said. "Don't fuss over me."

"Can't help it." Kaidan replied. "How's your ribs?" He asked, finally sitting down on his bed and pulling the blanket back.

Shepard ghosted his hand over his side. He'd really pushed himself today by wearing his binder for so long. "Tender, but I'll live." He said.

Kaidan softened. "You should've told me." He said.

"Yeah." Shepard agreed. "I didn't think about it, I'm sorry."

Kaidan reached out to stroke a hand through Shepard's hair. "You could sleep in my bed. If you wanted to." He said, his voice soft. "It's cold, Shep."

"Kaidan."

"Please?"

Shepard slowly stood up, his knees protesting against the cold. He stopped at the edge of the bed, between Kaidan's legs, a warm hand against his hip that caressed up to his waist.

Shepard almost yelled when Kaidan hooked his elbow around his waist and rolled him onto the bed, capturing Shepard between himself and the wall.

Shepard laughed despite himself as Kaidan pulled the blankets over them. "You ass."

Kaidan kissed him again. He was getting bolder. Then he tucked his face against Shepard's love-bitten neck, his arm still firm against Shepard's waist.  
"Thank you." He said. "I'm so glad you stayed."

Shepard hummed in agreement.

Kaidan reached behind him to turn the lamp off, but his arm was quick to come back to Shepard's waist.

Shepard rolled onto his side, facing Kaidan. "Thank you for letting me stay."

Kaidan kissed him again. "I want you here." He said.

Shepard didn't have a reply for that.

-

Kaidan snored. Softly. Way better than how Garrus or Wrex— or, Christ forbid, both of them— sounded when they slept.

His warm lips pressed against the nape of Shepard's neck had distracted him out of sleeping, but he kept as still as possible to avoid waking Kaidan. 

"You okay, Shepard?" Kaidan rasped into the darkness, breath hot on Shepard's neck, and it almost scared Shepard out of his skin.

"Huh?" Shepard panicked. "Yeah, no, I'm okay." He said. "Why are you awake?"

"Why are you?"

Shepard mumbled something even he didn't understand.

"What?" 

"Go back to sleep, Kaidan." Shepard said, patting the hand on his belly.

A few moments passed before that same hand started caressing Shepard. Over his stomach, his side, his hip. Down his thigh and then back up again.

"Kaidan?"

"Can I...?"

An open-ended question that stole Shepard's breath right out of his chest. 

"Yeah."

Shepard had to stifle a groan into his arm when Kaidan nipped at his jaw. 

Shepard pushed back so that his ass was flush against Kaidan's hips. It all felt so much better sober.

"You remember how we met?" Kaidan said through teeth latched onto Shepard's neck. Again.

Shepard huffed a laugh. "Didn't I get my ass beat on your behalf?" 

At the time, they were still in high school. Their last year. Shepard had just gotten back from boot camp over the summer, sunburned to hell and freshly pissed off.  
Truth— even though he'd never admit it— was that he had been looking for a fight ever since he got back.

It was just dumb luck that Ashley had pissed off the wrong people at the right time.

Kaidan was in the thick of it, mostly trying to diffuse rapidly rising tempers, and failing spectacularly.

When the first punch landed, Shepard had pushed his bag into Garrus' arms without a second thought about it.

Shepard walked— or, limped—away from the whole thing looking like he'd taken on a gang of krogan. He gave as good as he got, but the pain gave him something real to focus on.   
Kaidan got a black eye and Ashley had to get her nose reset. Garrus was the only one mostly unscathed, having jumped in to try and protect Shepard. The four of them sat in the nurse's office together, each holding an ice pack to the worst of their injuries while the nurse called up their emergency contacts.   
Shepard might've had a concussion, he didn't remember. 

"I asked you how you felt and you said it wasn't any worse than the cafeteria food." Kaidan laughed, hand catching Shepard's wrist and slowly caressing up to his shoulder, and then back down again, leaving goosebumps in his wake.

"And I was right."

Kaidan made a noise of amusement and nudged Shepard's legs with his own, rubbing his nose against the short hair at the nape of Shepard's neck that curled when he sweat.  
"Never did grow out of being stupid kids, did we?"

"I wouldn't trade it for anything."   
Shepard wasn't even sure he'd said that out loud until Kaidan sighed, his chest pressing against Shepard's back as he did.

"Yeah. Me, either." He agreed.

The two of them fell into silence for a moment. They moved in tandem, every little thing, every push and pull sparking heat between them.

Shepard rolled over to face Kaidan, placing a hand against his cheek as he leaned in for a kiss.

Kaidan never disappointed with his lips.

"Shepard, can I—"

"Yeah."


	4. Four

"Don't answer that." Kaidan said, kissing a trail up Shepard's side in a way that made him squirm. He looked so beautiful bathed in the soft morning light seeping through the window. 

"It's Garrus." Shepard said. Christ, he sounded wrecked. Then again, he kinda was. He twisted violently with a sharp inhale when teeth dug into the flesh above his hip. "Kaidan— I'm ticklish."

"I know." Kaidan purred in amusement.

Shepard rolled his eyes, even though Kaidan couldn't see him at the angle, and swiped to answer his phone. "Yeah, Garrus?"

He felt guilty for the radio silence. Usually, when Shepard didn't come home all night, he'd gotten into trouble. And it felt even worse when Shepard woke up to three missed calls. 

Shepard jolted and very nearly kicked a laughing Kaidan by accident when he licked his bellybutton.

"About time you pick up the damn phone. Where the hell are you?" Garrus spoke in a rush, obviously irritated.

"Worried about me? You're getting soft, hardass."

Kaidan snickered.

Garrus trilled, outraged at the implication. "Where the hell are you, Shepard?" He asked again, a demanding edge to his voice.

Shit. He really was worried.

"Kaidan's. I'm fine." Shepard assured him.

"Just fine?" Kaidan arched a thick eyebrow. "I must be doing something wrong."

Shepard grunted. He wrapped his thighs around Kaidan's face, smushing his cheeks between two plush thighs, and locked his calves loosely behind his head. Kaidan laughed as he turned his face to bite at Shepard's knee. 

"Was that Kaidan?"

Shepard ignored the question. "It got too cold to ride back last night." 

"It's Vancouver, it's always cold." Garrus deadpanned. "We're going to talk about this later, but you need to get your ass back— soon. The old man wants us on-site by noon."

"Yeah, alright, quit riding me."

"Not with an ass like that."

"Goodbye, Garrus." Shepard said firmly, hanging up the phone.

"Mm," Kaidan pulled away from the hickey he was sucking into Shepard's thigh with a pop, "I think that's the most I've ever heard you talk." He joked.

"Shut up." Shepard said, hand finding the back of Kaidan's hair to pull him up into a kiss.

"I take it you're not staying?" Kaidan asked after they pulled apart, clearly disappointed.

"I can't. Garrus and I are getting paid to do yardwork for his dad." Shepard said, rolling out of Kaidan's bed and picking up his jeans from the floor. He rolled his eyes as he stretched. "Kaidan, I can feel you staring at my ass."

Kaidan coughed. "It's a really nice ass." He muttered in his defense.

Shepard didn't have to look at him to know he was blushing. He pulled on his well-worn jeans and then off came Kaidan's shirt. He stopped to glance over his shoulder at Kaidan, who sat cross-legged on the bed watching him. Shepard threw the shirt at him, the bunched up fabric hitting Kaidan's face with an oof.

Kaidan chuckled. "Text me when you get to the apartments?"

"Always." Shepard said, grunting as he pulled on his binder.

Kaidan watched Shepard's muscles move as he did. "You sure you're okay to wear that after yesterday?" He asked.

"I'll have to be." Shepard replied, grabbing his jacket from the hook on the closed closet door. "At least until I get home. Then I can rest up for a while until we leave."

Kaidan looked like he wanted to argue, standing up from his bed and moving over to stand in front of Shepard. He was so close that Shepard had to tilt his head back to look up at him.

"I worry about you."

"So don't." Shepard shrugged.

"That's not— I worry about you because I care about you."

Shepard didn't know what to say to that so he decided to pull on his jacket first. Kaidan was still watching him. "I... I need to wear it today but I won't wear it tomorrow." He said.

Kaidan smiled. "I'll hold you to that."

-

"Kaidan, I really have to go." Shepard said between kisses, a hand dangerously close to his ass, smack in the middle of the Alenko's driveway.

"Just one more kiss?" Kaidan pleaded, tugging at the front of the hefty letterman jacket he'd talked Shepard into taking. Well, more like he'd kissed Shepard stupid enough to slip it onto him.

"You've been saying that for ten minutes." Shepard said, sighing into another kiss.

Kaidan had surprised the hell out of him by kissing him in the front doorway, in front of his parents, with not even the slightest hint of shame. Shepard had stuttered out a quick goodbye after that, pointedly avoiding looking at them, and then rushed out of the house before his face caught fire. Kaidan didn't seem to care at all who knew that he kissed Shepard— that he clearly liked kissing Shepard.

Shepard's phone buzzed in his pocket and he pulled away, eliciting a groan from Kaidan.

"Kaidan, I have to..." Shepard trailed off with a sigh and kissed him once more for good measure. "Be good." He said, mounting his bike. 

Kaidan bit his lip. He'd always had a thing for the motorcycle. "No promises."

-

"That was a nice jacket, by the way." Garrus said, laying mulch down around one of the garden beds. "Gift from your boyfriend?"

"He's not my—" Shepard started, but stopped suddenly. "Shut up, Garrus." He said instead, shoveling dirt around the tree he'd planted, his shoulder begging him to stop.

Shepard was stripped down to a tank. In Vancouver. Thanks to his nonexistent temperature regulation. The cold combined with the physical labor had his bum shoulder aching something fierce. 

"So, what is he? Fuckbuddy?"

"Goddammit, Garrus. He's—" Shepard stopped shoveling by burying the end of it into the ground. He pulled off his glove in irritation and wiped sweat from his brow, giving himself a chance to think about his words. "He's Kaidan." He said, softer. "I don't know what to tell you."

"Hm." Garrus chuckled. "Not a new phenomenon, I suppose." 

Shepard glared at him, flinging a patch of dirt and grass at him with the shovel. "You're a dick, Vakarian."

"Must be why you love me." Garrus fired back.

Shepard made a face. Garrus laughed.

"You know Liara's going to want details." He said, lifting up another bag of mulch and tearing the bag open. "She really didn't think you two would get in each other's pants so quickly."

"It's not like that." Shepard said, dropping another sapling into a designated spot. "And before you ask, I don't know what that makes it. I just know what it is."

"Sounds complicated." Garrus grunted. "So, when is he coming over to ours? You know Joker will want to see what he's like during a hockey game."

"Shit, I don't wanna scare him off. You two are brutal during the game." Shepard scoffed, distracted by his phone buzzing. "Wrex and Grunt are even worse." He added, swiping his phone open. 

"We're passionate men, Shepard." Garrus stated. "Who's that? Oh, is it Kaidan? Ask him if he wants to come over for the game."

Shepard glanced up at Garrus. "He's offering me leftover pot roast."

"Huh?"

Shepard couldn't help but smile slightly, trying to keep his expression in check because he'd never hear the end of it from Garrus if he cracked a grin. "It was really good."

"Oh, I see what's going on." Garrus said, abandoning the half-empty bag of mulch and coming over to where Shepard was. "He's trying to get you to come back. What, you two had all night and you didn't get it out of your system?"

"Garrus." Shepard growled.

"Fine. If you go, he has to come over for the game." Garrus crossed his arms over his chest.

Shepard glared at him. "Don't make me kick your ass on your dad's front lawn."

"Shepard, we'll be on our best behavior. Scout's honor. But you know we take care of each other, we always have." He said, nudging Shepard's shoulder. 

Shepard sighed. "Tell Joker to tape the game." 

-

"You could use the front door, you know that?" Kaidan said, pulling his curtain back so that Shepard could climb through.

"Please. I've been doing this since we were kids." Shepard said, rolling his sore shoulder as he turned to face Kaidan.

"I'd be lying if I said it wasn't cute." Kaidan agreed, walking over to his desk to close his laptop. 

Shepard wrinkled his nose as Kaidan turned back to him. "Cute?" He echoed.

Kaidan chuckled. "My parents aren't home." He said, closing the distance between them and placing a careful hand on Shepard's chest. "You got time?"

Shepard almost forgot his own name, trapped in Kaidan's heated stare. "Uh..." He said, blinking, trying to think. "Kaidan, are you free Friday night?"

Kaidan pulled back and raised an eyebrow at Shepard. "Why?" He asked.

Shepard cleared his throat. "The guys and I get together every weekend to watch the hockey game and drink. I was... wondering if you'd be interested." He exhaled as a hand on his waist pulled him flush against Kaidan's chest.

Kaidan nodded thoughtfully. "Who's gonna be there?"

"Garrus, Joker, Wrex, Grunt." 

"And you? Sounds fun." Kaidan said, already leaning down to brush his lips against Shepard's jaw. "Friday?"

"Friday." Shepard repeated, closing his eyes and leaning in further. He raised his good arm to wrap around Kaidan's neck, playing with the dark hair at the nape of his neck.

"Is this a date?" Kaidan murmured, walking Shepard toward the wall, still nipping at his jaw.

"C'mon, Kaidan, we can do better than a taped hockey game." Shepard snorted, grunting when his back hit the cold wall next to the open window. "Take your shirt off."

Kaidan obliged, stepping back for just a moment before he crowded in even closer. "Hockey's good. Spending any time with you is even better."

"You should raise your standards."

Kaidan cuffed him. "Shut up and kiss me."

Shepard had to stand on his toes to lock lips with the taller man, who groaned satisfaction into his mouth. "Didn't I come here for leftover food?" He mused after he pulled away.

"I'm sorta hoping that's not all you came here for." Kaidan replied, already leaning in for another kiss.


	5. Five

"You're gonna be fine." Shepard said, gently rubbing at the hand pressed against his stomach. "Just relax and hold on tight."

Kaidan was pressed flush against Shepard's back, his arms squeezing tight around Shepard's waist. "Easier said than done." He replied, his voice muffled by the helmet Shepard had him in, but the nervous edge was still easy to make out.

Shepard chuckled. "I won't go too fast, Kaidan. Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

"I do trust you." Kaidan admitted, voice softening. "I'm just nervous."

"Would it make you feel better if I told you that you look hot in my jacket?" Shepard smiled and glanced back at him.

Kaidan huffed. "Just keep your eyes on the road, Shepard."

Shepard laughed as he started up the bike, giving Kaidan a chance to feel the vibrations before pulling out of the driveway. The arms around his waist stayed tight, but Shepard didn't really mind.

At every stop light Shepard would stroke Kaidan's hand, soothing him. On the first, Kaidan had dared to catch his hand, squeezing the leather-gloved palm tight before letting go.

By the time they got to the apartments, Kaidan's grip had loosened a bit, but he still jumped off the first chance he got. Shepard couldn't help but grin, though he kept it to himself. 

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Shepard chuckled fondly, coming back from parking just as Kaidan was removing the helmet.

"Not so bad." Kaidan agreed breathlessly, smoothing a hand through his hair.

Shepard reached out and cupped his cheek, which Kaidan leaned into. "C'mon, handsome." He said softly.

Kaidan almost melted.

"So, listen, the guys are gonna give you a hard time. A really hard time." Shepard began. "But they're just razzing you. And if they go too far, I'll punch them out on your behalf, count on it." He said. "Because I like you, they'll be insufferable, but—"

"You like me?" Kaidan blurted, a grin spreading across his face.

Shepard stopped at the bottom of the staircase leading up to his apartment. "Yeah." He said, making an 'obviously' gesture with his arm.

Kaidan grinned wider, hand catching and tugging on the sleeve of the letterman's jacket he gave Shepard. "I like you too, Shep."

Shepard let himself be pulled into a kiss, his hand coming up to cup the side of Kaidan's face, thumb brushing over the shell of his ear.

"Couldn't even wait until after the game, could you?"

Shepard groaned, blue eyes rolling back in his head. 

Garrus stood behind him, holding twin bags of groceries in each arm with a shit-eating flex of his mandibles.

"You remember Garrus? My best friend. The thorn in my side, the pain in my ass." Shepard said, gesturing to the turian.

"First time I met you, you had a black eye the size of a krogan." Garrus laughed. "Come on up, we were waiting for you two."

Kaidan chuckled, looking back at Shepard, who was pinching the bridge of his nose like he did when he drank too much too fast. "Hey." He said, taking Shepard's free hand. "I'm not going anywhere."

Shepard seemed to relax at that, squeezing Kaidan's hand at his side.

"C'mon, lovebirds." Garrus called from a floor above.

Shepard knew that Kaidan noticed how quiet Shepard had gotten as they ascended the stairs, but if he had anything to say about it— which was likely, knowing Kaidan— he kept it to himself.

"About damn time! We're starving!" Joker said as soon as the door to the apartment opened. 

Wrex and Grunt were arm wrestling at the dinner table they never used, pretty evenly matched.

Shepard took a deep breath. "Joker, Grunt, and Wrex." He said to Kaidan, gesturing at his friends for emphasis. "You guys remember Kaidan."

Joker waved.

"Technically, Wrex doesn't live with us, but he likes to eat our food and break our furniture." Garrus said, offering Kaidan a beer.

"I only break stuff when I get drunk, that's on you." Wrex grunted, his muscles flexing. 

Shepard gave Kaidan a look.

"And Mako. Wherever he is." Joker added. "Damn cat."

Shepard pushed Joker's hat down over his eyes as he lead Kaidan around to the other side of the couch.

"You can sit down." Shepard said, tapping Grunt with his foot so that he'd scoot over. "I'll be in the kitchen. I'm the one who doesn't burn everything."

"Maybe I like it burnt." Joker muttered.

"Sure." Shepard said, opening a beer and rooting through the groceries. "I thought we agreed we shouldn't send Garrus grocery shopping."

"Well, you weren't here." Joker said. "Besides, I gave him a list."

"Hm." Shepard said.

It was going to be a long night. 

-

"No! C'mon, he had that!" Joker groaned loudly.

"Well, I'll be damned. Joker, you owe Kaidan twenty." Garrus said.

Kaidan laughed. "Ah, keep it. It was a good game."

"No backsies!" Joker said quickly.

Shepard had been nursing his umpteenth beer— he'd lost count, honestly— for the last hour of the game, zoning out through most of it. He'd barely touched dinner, even though he'd made a decent meal with what he had. He was nervous. And the warm buzz throughout his body did little to quell the anxiety.

"So." Garrus said as Joker flipped through the channels. "Why Shepard?"

And there it was.

Shepard pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I'd also like to know." Joker chimed in.

Kaidan chuckled, taking a drink. "That blunt, huh?"

"That blunt." Garrus replied.

Kaidan seemed to consider it for a moment as he looked over at Shepard, and Shepard braced himself as he took another long drink. A really long drink. Kaidan's mouth almost fell open in surprise when he realized, at the same time Shepard did, that he'd just downed nearly the whole thing in one go.

Shepard shut his eyes tight and shook his head, the varying shades of the modest living room blurring together into a kaleidoscope, pointedly ignoring that Kaidan was still looking at him when he finally spoke.

"Uh— he's great. I mean... he's Shepard. He's strong and kind, and he has a good heart. Really good-looking. Knows how to dress." Kaidan rattled off.

"You're still talking about Shepard?" Wrex grunted.

Shepard couldn't help the dry laugh that escaped him. He stood up, swaying dangerously for a moment. "I gotta go take a piss." He said, his footsteps too loud against his own ears as he made his way down the hallway.

It was a lie. He just stood over the sink, letting the water run ice cold, refusing to meet his reflection in the mirror.

Shepard couldn't shake the feeling that he was somehow tricking Kaidan into accepting him. The way Kaidan looked at him... he didn't think he deserved it. There was no grand gesture or veiled surprise. Shepard had been honest with him, open even. All he'd ever been was Shepard. That's all he could ever be. And it hurt... God, it hurt.

A shatter, barely heard over the roaring of blood in his ears, and blazing warmth flooding over his right hand. 

Everything turned to colors.

"Shepard?"

"Huh?"

"Shepard, I'm coming in."

The door opened, and Shepard almost shoved it closed again, but stopped when Kaidan's face came into view.

"Oh my— Shepard, what happened?!" Kaidan said in a rush, and Shepard almost cried out when scorching hands met his own.

Shepard breathed hard through gritted teeth, his right arm searing. Too hot. Too much. He stumbled, unable to go anywhere in the small confined space of the bathroom. Trapped.

"Shepard..."

Shepard swallowed. "I fell." He said.

"Into the mirror?" Garrus questioned from somewhere just out of reach.

Shepard scratched at his brow with his free hand, blinking slowly. "M'pretty drunk."

"See? I'm not the only one who breaks things." Wrex said.

Shepard didn't keep up with the rest of the conversation. He let himself be guided out of the bathroom, slowly and carefully. He almost wanted to shrug those white-hot hands off of him, but he didn't, because some part of him knew who they belonged to.

Everything was a blur.

-

He was standing over the railing outside of the apartment, holding a makeshift ice pack in his hand, when things started to make sense again.

"Let me take a look at that." Kaidan said.

Shepard held his hand out to Kaidan, but stayed where he was.

Kaidan didn't say anything as he examined Shepard's slashed palm and fingers.

The silence was unbearable.

"Sorry I got wasted on our first date." He said.

Kaidan snorted, placing gauze on the biggest cut across Shepard's palm and wrapping a bandage firm around it. "I thought watching the hockey game at your place wasn't a date?"

Shepard sighed.

"What's really going on, Shep?" Kaidan asked, tentatively coming a bit closer as he put bandaids on all the little cuts.

Shepard's heart ached. He wanted to pull Kaidan in and never let him go. That was selfish. "You deserve good things, Kaidan." He said. "And I... I'm not good."

"You're right." Kaidan said. "You're not good. Because you're the best."

"That's not what I—"

"Shepard, whatever hang-ups you have, you're gonna have to deal with them." Kaidan said, shaking his head. "I'm not going anywhere because this— right here— is where I want to be. I want to be wherever you are. So get used to it."

Shepard took a steadying breath. "Taping up my hand, outside my apartment, in the cold, because I smashed the mirror in our only bathroom?"

"Wouldn't wanna be anywhere else." Kaidan smiled.

"Kaidan, I..." Shepard trailed off, leaning in for a passionate kiss. "I'm sorry."

Kaidan softened. "You can make it up to me with another kiss?" He suggested.

Shepard grinned as he took Kaidan by the front of his shirt, with his good hand, and pulled him into a rough kiss. Kaidan groaned happily, wrapping one arm around Shepard's neck while the other found his hair.

"Missed kissing you." Kaidan said, his tongue diving into Shepard's eager mouth.

Shepard hummed his agreement, and Kaidan did that thing that stole his breath.

"So... no more shutting me out." Kaidan said, pulling back to look Shepard in the face. "Right?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, lovebirds, we found a Blasto movie— one of the good ones!" Garrus said, swinging the door to the apartment open and bathing the two in warm golden light. "Quit sucking face and get in here."

Shepard sighed, but smiled at Kaidan, and followed him back into the apartment.


	6. Six

"Hey, stranger."

Kaidan almost spilled his coffee. "Ashley, crap, don't sneak up on me like that." He said, craning his head to look at her. She was grinning, and he couldn't help but smile back at her.

"You make it so easy." She laughed, her fingers skirting the edge of the table as she walked around to claim the open spot across from Kaidan. "So, how is everything?" She asked.

"Good." His usual answer. "You?"

"Well, I'm peachy keen, but it looks like you're more than just 'good' these days." Ashley said, flipping Kaidan's wrist over to reveal a line of hickeys that disappeared beneath his sleeve. 

Kaidan's face warmed and it definitely wasn't the coffee.

"I should've known Shepard was a biter." She teased.

Kaidan groaned, bringing his hands up to rub over his face. "Ash, it's too early for this."

She laughed again. "Alright, alright. Tell me how it went on Friday."

"Ugh, you're terrible at changing the topic." Kaidan joked, letting his hands drop back to the tabletop. "He kinda freaked out again. I don't know what set him off, if anything. He gets into his head and shuts me out." He explained.

"Sounds like Shepard." Ashley said with a shrug. "Remember, this is the same kid you saw take on four people at once and was able to get back up after it was over."

"I know. He's had it rough, more so than most of us. I just wish he didn't shut down the way he does. He gets nervous or scared and he just..." Kaidan sighed as he trailed off. "I want him to talk to me, y'know?" 

"Have you told him that?" Ashley asked.

Kaidan looked down. "No."

"Shepard's tough, but... he's a good person. Give him a chance." Ashley said, leaning forward and taking Kaidan's hands in her own.

Kaidan released a breath he didn't know he'd been holding. It felt like a weight off his shoulders. "Thanks, Ash."

"Duh. It's what I'm here for." She rolled her eyes. "Now, let me tell you about dinner with Sarah's new boyfriend. It was a disaster." 

—

Shepard had had a long day. His coworkers wouldn't leave him the hell alone about his love life and it was, quite frankly, driving him to drink. More than he already did, anyway.

Ever since he'd shown up fifteen minutes late Saturday morning with a disheveled appearance, smelling of cologne, they were convinced. He was just thankful they didn't know the cologne wasn't Shepard's. 

"Your boyfriend's in your room." Joker greeted as soon as Shepard walked through the door. 

"What?" Shepard squinted at him, his brain trying desperately to catch up. "Kaidan?"

"Uh, yeah. Who else? You don't get enough ass for it to be anyone else." Joker scoffed.

"Suck my dick, Jeff." Shepard snapped, pushing Joker's hat over his eyes as he passed. 

Joker cursed and swatted blindly at him. 

Shepard gently kicked open the unlatched door to his room at the very end of the hallway with the tip of his boot, placing his helmet on the tiny nightstand in the corner as he entered. 

Sure enough, Kaidan was there, lying on his bed with an arm draped over his eyes. His classic migraine look. "Did I just hear you tell Joker to suck your dick?"

Shepard rolled his eyes. "Jealous?"

"Maybe."

Shepard walked over to his bed and sat down. He kicked off his boots and leaned back next to Kaidan, propping himself up on an elbow. "Migraine?" He asked, soothing a hand over Kaidan's chest.

"Yeah."

Shepard reached behind Kaidan and closed his curtains. He gently coaxed Kaidan's arm away from his face and cupped his cheek.

Kaidan groaned and rolled onto his side to face Shepard, nuzzling against Shepard's chest.

"Shh." Shepard whispered, stroking a hand through Kaidan's hair. "Just relax. I'm here. I've got you."

"Shep..." Kaidan mumbled, cheek pressed flush against Shepard's sternum.  
Kaidan jumped as Shepard pressed his thumb into the pressure point at his temple. He groaned deeply as Shepard rubbed circles into the throbbing point.

Shepard would do anything in the world for this man.

His bandaged hand found the opposite side, and Kaidan gasped. 

"Don't stop. Please, don't stop." Kaidan almost begged, tears forming at the corners of his eyes. It was so much to take at once but it was relief.

Shepard pressed in firm on both sides, and Kaidan nigh on sobbed as he pressed his forehead against Shepard's chest, holding Shepard's hips in a bruising grip.

"I've got you, honey. I've got you." Shepard assured him, gently kissing the top of his aching head.

Shepard continued his ministrations until Kaidan's breathing grew deep and even, a while after the room had gone completely dark as the sun set. 

Shepard continued to stroke Kaidan's hair, allowing himself the indulgence, mostly because Kaidan wasn't awake to grumble at him for messing up his hair.

It had been a long day, after all. 

-

Shepard awoke to a thumb stroking his scarred cheekbone. He made a noise, blindly reaching for Kaidan before warm lips captured his own.

"Thank you." Kaidan said softly. "That's the most relief I've ever gotten during a migraine that bad."

"I would do anything for you, Kaidan." Shepard slurred sleepily. "Kiss me again?"

Kaidan kissed him slow, smiling against his lips. Shepard was surprisingly affectionate when he was half asleep. 

"It's late, I gotta get back home." He said once they had pulled apart.

"I'll take you." Shepard yawned, stretching like a cat, his shoulder making an awful noise. 

"You don't have to. I'll just take the bus."

"Not happening." Shepard said, starting to sound more like his usual self. "I'll take you. C'mon."

Shepard sat up slow, pausing to twist the knots out of his back and making a series of popping noises as he did so, before he stood up. 

"How many was that?"

A click and there was light in the small room. 

"Four. Maybe five." 

"Christ, Shepard."

"I should probably see someone about that, at some point." Shepard said, stripping off his work outfit. A hand ghosted down his bare back as he pulled on his favorite pair of pants, fingers moving over the various freckles and moles.

"Hey, let me try something?"

Shepard raised an eyebrow and looked over his shoulder at Kaidan, who was still rubbing his back.

"It's— you'll have to lay down on the bed."

Shepard started to move but Kaidan caught his arm.

"On your stomach."

Shepard flopped down on his bed, laying his head on his crossed arms.

The bed dipped as Kaidan straddled Shepard, hips to ass, and slowly worked his hands up the column of Shepard's spine, one after the other.

Shepard made a deep, rumbling noise that sounded awfully close to a growl and Kaidan stopped.

"You okay?"

"Yeah."

Kaidan hesitated, but repeated the motion, lightly pushing the heel of his palms into Shepard's lower back, all the way up to the space between his shoulders. 

Shepard jumped. Kaidan's hands had found a particularly sore spot and he had to bite his lip to keep from crying out.

Kaidan let up. "Sorry. Too much?"

Shepard let out a shuddering breath. "Please do that again?" 

So Kaidan did as Shepard asked, working the pain out of his upper back with skilled hands. His neck and shoulders carried the most tension, and it took a while to work it out. Kaidan knew he should be getting home but at the moment there was nowhere else he'd rather be.

Shepard relaxed slowly beneath him, made evident by the way his breathing grew deep.

"How did you get so good at this?" Shepard murmured.

Kaidan chuckled. "I've always been good with my hands."

"Well, I already knew that part." Shepard snickered. 

Kaidan's face grew hot, and he tried not to remember that he was sitting flush against Shepard's— really great— ass. "That's not— I didn't mean it like that. I just like learning new things."

Shepard shifted a bit under him, breathing a deep sigh. "Never gonna get a complaint outta me about your hands, that's for sure."

"Got a thing for my hands, Shepard?" Kaidan teased.

"Yeah."

Kaidan laughed.

Shepard hummed. "Great hands, great ass, great face... what's not to love?"

Kaidan's hands stilled and Shepard cleared his throat. Neither of them said anything for a moment out of sheer surprise, but Kaidan could feel Shepard growing tense beneath him.

"Shepard?"

"I didn't mean it like that." He said quickly.

Kaidan frowned. "How did you mean it?"

"I..." Shepard huffed, starting to move. 

Kaidan stubbornly pinned Shepard in place with a hand between his shoulder blades. "No, I want an answer. You don't get to shut me out when things get uncomfortable, that's not how this should work."

Shepard cursed under his breath. "I don't know, okay? It just slipped out."

Kaidan glanced away for just a moment. "So, you don't...?"

Shepard went eerily silent for what felt like hours but was probably only a few moments. "Fuck. I think I do."

Kaidan's mouth fell open. "Oh."

"Yeah." Shepard agreed, swallowing thickly. "This isn't how I... I mean, not that I... Fuck."

"It's okay." Kaidan blurted. "I feel— I feel the same way about you. I thought that was pretty obvious, but I didn't think that you would..."

Shepard frowned, twisting to face Kaidan at last. "I meant what I said, Kaidan. You're so good and perfect, and everything about you amazes me. I—" He took a steadying breath. "I really do. Y'know?"

Kaidan's lovely brown eyes searched Shepard's face for a moment, wide as can be and glassy with unshed tears. "Yeah. I know, Shepard."


	7. Seven

Waking up with Kaidan wrapped around him was something Shepard couldn't get enough of. It'd taken an extra hour just to get out of the bed because he didn't want to leave Kaidan's warm embrace. And because Kaidan was hellbent on kissing Shepard stupid. 

"Are you sure you don't wanna go first?" Kaidan asked, stifling a yawn into the back of his hand. 

"M'sure." Shepard said, handing him a pair of clean towels. "I'm not really a morning person."

Kaidan smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss. "Nice new mirror, by the way." He said.

Shepard grunted. "Should be, for the price."

Kaidan chuckled.

Shepard shut the door to the bathroom behind him and then found his way into the kitchen, where Joker was already drinking his morning coffee while Garrus sipped at... something. 

"Huh. Kaidan's still here?" Joker asked, even though the answer was obvious.

Shepard bristled. "Who paid rent last month, just wondering?"

"Down boy, I didn't mean it like that." Joker said, rolling his eyes. "I like him, that's all. I just wanna know if we're going to be seeing more of him."

Shepard leaned against the kitchen counter. "Yeah."

Garrus' mandibles flared in surprise. "Yeah?" He echoed. "You wouldn't happen to be serious about this one, would you, Shepard?" He teased.

"Hell, I might marry him someday if he asked me to." Shepard shrugged.

Joker choked.

"Damn, Joker. Easy." Shepard snickered, reaching over to gently pat his back. "I was kidding." 

"I'm sorry, I just don't think you and marriage belong in the same conversation." Joker wheezed.

Shepard started toward the living room, noticing how limber his back felt. He'd have to thank Kaidan for that. "I'm not dating you." He pointed out, pausing to pat Grunt's head as he passed.

"Fair."

"I'm stepping out for a second, don't be weird." Shepard said over his shoulder, grabbing his jacket and stepping out into the cool morning air.

The wind cut right through his flannel pajama pants. He pulled up the hood of his jacket.

He was damn lucky he didn't have to be at work until later in the evening. 

Shepard flexed his bandaged hand in the cold, a wave of regret washing over him. Kaidan did deserve better, and that encouraged Shepard to shut up and be better.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed a familiar number.

It rang twice.

"Shepard! Good to hear from you, son." Anderson greeted. "How have you been?" 

"Staying out of trouble, at least." Shepard replied, his voice rough against his own ears. Like sandpaper. "You?"

"Not sure I can say the same." Anderson chuckled.

"I won't ask." Shepard said with a chuckle of his own. "I know you head out soon, but do you have time?"

There was a pause.

"For you, son, I'll make time." He said decisively.

Shepard exhaled, watching his breath cloud up and then disappear. "Two sound okay?"

"Same place?"

"Always."

"I'll be there."

As they said their goodbyes, Shepard heard the door open behind him. Then there was a warm hand on the back of his neck and he smiled.

"Bit cold to be out here, don't you think?" Kaidan asked.

"Yeah." Shepard agreed, looking back at Kaidan. "What are you doing tonight?" He asked.

"I dunno. Ashley and Liara wanted to get together this evening." He shrugged.

Shepard nodded thoughtfully. "And after that?"

Kaidan tilted his head. "No idea. Why?"

"I wanna take you on a date. A real one." He said. "Dinner, a movie, and the arcade."

Kaidan softened and grinned. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Shepard wrapped his arms around Kaidan's waist and pulled him in close. "Gonna wreck your shit at laser tag, Alenko."

"Uh, you can try." Kaidan corrected, leaning in for a kiss. He tasted of mint. "What's the occasion?" He asked, pressing their foreheads together. 

Shepard sighed. "A good man like you deserves good things." He said. "And, god, you make me wanna be good."

Kaidan sighed softly. "That's sappy, Shepard." He said. "I kinda love it though."

Shepard laughed, leaning in for another kiss. And another after that. "Let's go inside, it's fucking cold out here."

—

Shepard took Kaidan home around noon, which gave them plenty of time to goof off with Garrus and Joker before they left. And Kaidan didn't seem like he wanted to say goodbye just yet so Shepard had made him take his jacket— the good one. Practically had to pin Kaidan against his dad's car to do it, but it worked.

At the moment, he stood outside an old diner, his fists shaking in his pockets. He was damn lucky binders retained heat.

"What happened to your jacket, son?" Anderson asked as soon as he stepped out of the back of a cab.

Shepard smiled slightly. "Loaned it out for the day." He replied.

"Hm." Anderson's mouth twitched into a smile of his own. His handshake was firm as he took Shepard's hand, but then again, so was Shepard's.

They sat at a booth near the window, each with a slice of warm apple pie in front of them.

"You remember how we found this place?" Anderson mused.

Shepard smiled, still gazing out of the window to his left. "You getting nostalgic on me?"

Anderson ignored him. "I was in Vancouver for a meeting. Not my favorite place, I'll admit, it's too damn cold in my opinion." He said, pausing to sip at his coffee. "When I happened upon a mugging. Dumb luck. Little kid on the end of a 9 millimeter, maybe 19 or so. Watched him get pistol whipped across the face. You know what he did?"

Shepard recalled the memory with absolute clarity. He looked back at Anderson. "No idea."

"He grabbed the gun. Managed to disarm the piece of work that would eventually leave quite a scar. One of the most reckless things I've seen, to date." Anderson recounted.

"And you still took me for food afterwards." Shepard said.

"After that, I would've given you anything you'd asked for." Anderson chuckled. "So. You doing okay, kid?"

"Yeah." He said. "I'm doing okay. I got a boyfriend now. Or... He's my something, anyway."

Anderson snickered. "Always did have a way with words, Shepard." He said. "Kaidan?" He asked out of genuine curiosity, raising an eyebrow. 

Shepard couldn't help but smile into his coffee. "Yeah."

"I knew it."

"Only because I told you." Shepard rolled his eyes, setting the mug back down, keeping his hands warm around it. "He drives me batshit crazy. In a good way. He's everything I'm not and I wanna— I wanna deserve him."

Anderson looked at Shepard. "What makes you think you don't?"

"You looked my way lately?" Shepard scoffed. "I'm a poor earthborn brat. I don't have anything to offer him."

"Knowing you is an adventure in itself, Shepard."

Shepard glanced down. "Maybe. But all of it's got me thinking..."

"Oh no." Anderson joked. "Alright, hit me with it."

Shepard took a breath. "You still got that opening you mentioned?"

Anderson's eyebrows raised in surprise. "I do, yeah."

"Spring through summer would be better." Shepard said, carding a hand through his hair. "I have seasonal work that keeps me busy through the winter months."

"That's perfect." He said slowly. "Are you sure, Shepard?"

"Wouldn't be here if I wasn't."

"Right. But I've been trying to get through that thick skull of yours for years." Anderson said, fond amusement in his voice. "What changed?"

Shepard considered it. "I think I have."

-

Dinner was fantastic. The movie was less so, but Kaidan fell asleep on Shepard's shoulder so it wasn't a total loss. Shepard might've snapped a picture.

In his defense, Kaidan looked good with his curls shaken loose. The white shirt and dress pants combo was pretty damn good too.

"You partied out or do you still wanna get your ass kicked at laser tag?" Shepard asked, giving Kaidan's hand a squeeze. 

"You know what? For that, I'm gonna make sure I win." Kaidan rolled his pretty brown eyes, smiling.

"Oh yeah?" Shepard laughed.

"Yeah. I'm good with my hands, remember?"

"Yeah." Shepard agreed, opening the door to the arcade. "Vividly."

The place was what anyone would expect an arcade to be, complete with tacky carpet and bright lights.  
It was pretty much deserted at this hour, only a few teenagers scattered about playing Pac-Man or Asteroids.

As Shepard got their tickets to laser tag, Kaidan went looking around.

Shepard waited for him outside the laser tag arena, texting Garrus a picture of the sign. Garrus was furious he wasn't invited. It took a few minutes but Kaidan reappeared at his side.

"Close your eyes." He said.

Shepard raised an eyebrow but did as Kaidan said.

"Hold out your hands."

"Kaidan—" He started, but stopped when he felt something plush get plopped down in his palms. He opened his eyes and blinked. It was an absurdly soft and round plush cat. It looked like Mako. 

"I love the crane machine." Kaidan said.

Shepard, in his speechless state, pulled him into a kiss. "You're a dork." Another kiss. 

"You love it."

"Damn right I do." Shepard said, taking Kaidan's hand. "You ready?"

"Absolutely."

They were given special vests that lit up and blinked when they were hit. They were also given the choice between a rifle style laser gun that took longer to fire or the standard laser pistol. They both went in for the rifle.  
When they were ready, they were directed to opposite ends of the arena and the lights were shut off.

The tech explained that the point of it was to make your way through the maze of sturdy foam obstacles, using them as cover, and try to walk away with the highest score.

When the countdown started, Kaidan blew Shepard a kiss. Shepard grinned back at him.

They went in opposite directions when the buzzer sounded, each ducking behind a foam wall.

Shepard went low. Kaidan didn't.

Kaidan landed the first shot, pulling the trigger before Shepard had the chance to. Shepard was right behind him.

They matched each other shot for shot. Every time Shepard landed a shot, Kaidan was right behind him or just in front of him.

It was the most fun Shepard had ever had on a date.

"20 for 20." Kaidan said, sounding awfully close.

"Getting nervous, Alenko?" Shepard teased, quickly leaping across a gap between where he was and where he wanted to be.

"You wish!" Kaidan laughed. "You know, this is my first time playing laser tag. It's fun."

"Let's see how you feel when you lose."

"Something tells me I'll still be satisfied." Kaidan replied. "I always have fun with you."

Shepard softened. "Yeah. I always have fun with you too, Kaidan."

They both rounded the next corner at the same time, colliding hard enough that Shepard lost his balance and Kaidan came tumbling down with him. Their guns slid across the floor. They looked at each other and they laughed.

"Seems fitting." Kaidan commented, sitting up so he was straddling Shepard's waist. 

"Yeah." Shepard agreed, reaching up to cup Kaidan's face.

Kaidan closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, pressing a kiss to Shepard's thumb. It stole Shepard's breath. 

It was a moment Shepard would forever commit to memory.

Kaidan leaned in for a sweet kiss, their lips fitting together perfectly just as they always did. When he pulled away, he pressed his hand to the side of Shepard's face. "Hey, Shep?"

"Hm?"

"I win."

Shepard's vest lit up red and he matched Kaidan's triumphant grin.

—

"You wanna come in?" Kaidan asked, hand moving up and down Shepard's back, shielding him from the cold.

Shepard had him pinned to his front door, moving against the thigh Kaidan had managed to sneak up between his legs.  
"Yeah."

They were near silent as they entered the house, except for when they went over that one creaky stair on the way up to Kaidan's room. 

Kaidan pushed Shepard down onto the bed after the door closed, on top of him not even a moment later. He wasn't interested in being gentle tonight. Shepard was fine with that. 

"That last time I went to boot camp... did you miss me?" Shepard asked.

Kaidan bit into his shoulder and pulled back a second later, soothing the mark with his tongue. "Yeah. Of course I did." He replied. "Why?"

"I..." Shepard took a deep breath. "I talked to Anderson today. About the Alliance."

Kaidan looked at Shepard. "Okay?" 

"He has an opening at a pilot training camp and I wanna take him up on it." He said. "Spring through summer."

Kaidan blinked. "Oh."

"But I don't wanna do it if—"

Kaidan cut him off with a heated kiss, pulling at Shepard's hair until he relaxed. "Don't say that. I want you to do whatever you want to do."

Shepard breathed a sigh of relief. "There's no guarantee I'll make the cut anyway." He said.

"You will." Kaidan smiled. "Just please call."

"You know I will." Shepard assured him. "You sure you're okay with this?"

Kaidan huffed a laugh, pulling Shepard's legs up to his waist so that their hips were flush. "Stop overthinking and kiss me like you mean it."


End file.
